3/13/2011

Today has been an alful day. I hate to be that blunt but what else is there to say but that. Once again I get my heart hurt with my mom, Iam at the point of no return I do not want to be like that but i have no clue what else to do. How can you care about someone so much and try to do so much for that person and it allways turns around and bites you in the butt. I feel like iam on an emotional roller coaster that is never going to stop if i dont jump off and stop it myself. I deal with so much on a daily basis and i know everyone does its all part off life but everytime i turn around its something else with my mom what do i do do i give up or do i give in and when she wants to play nice give in again and put myself in the postion to be hurt once again. I mean seriously me and matt have been trying for awhile to have a baby and not everyone knows that but yeah and she pushed my buttons enough today for me to tell her if she keeped it up that she wouldnt have any interaction with my children whenever I had them one day and she said well thats ok you will never have any kids anyways so whatever. I mean really who says that thats a WTF for real. I normally try not to think like this. I normally try to stay away from drama, and if its not someone trying to start drama just when you think things are going great well here comes drama and its from my mom like really ugh.I let things go that need to be done at my house for my parents and i allways get back to the point of no return in the end. Iam stressed to the max and rambling so iam now going to go take a hot hot bath and soak and just try to chillax and let it all go to God, but i will be damned if shes keeping my horse i know i sound like a crazy now but iam really goint to take a hot bath latters.